Only the Paranoid Survive: I am Paranoid…

Andy Grove of Intel wrote a book titled Only the Paranoid Survive. I believe him and I know that I am paranoid. Does it mean that I will survive? If I will, then for how long? And what if I did not want to survive so long and die soon? These are the questions that bother me all the time.

Six years ago, when I saw a psycho at Abhaya hospital in Bangalore, he started asking me questions and was taking down notes copiously. My problem was that I was drinking a lot. He asked me why I drank so much. I thought hard and deep; I never thought about that. I had a lot of ‘disposable income’ and I didn’t know how to get rid of it – is the obvious answer but that didn’t sound right. After some meditation, I said: It is because I want to die soon (sooner than later). Drinking is like slow-poisoning myself, because I don’t have the guts to commit suicide.

The psycho did not look up from his notes. He did not jump on this wonderful insight I had given him into my mental make-up. Nor did he ask me why I would want to die sooner or any such thing. I think he went on to ask me which brand I drank habitually. But this opened up a new corridor of introspection for myself. I thunk about it and thought about it ever since for a long time. I reached the conclusion that I wanted to die soon(er) to find out if there is life after death. That is another question I keep thinking about a lot.

The answer to that is easy and difficult. All you need to find it is to die, so it is easy. But then once you are dead, and find that there is no life after – there is no coming back. Or, if there is indeed life after death, and you don’t care so much for it, too, you cannot come back. So it is really difficult to say. But there is a way out: instead of finding out the answer, you can choose to “believe” that there is life after death (or otherwise). As far as you know, if you put your mind to it, this belief will be the answer.

I am paranoid…

The people of Gaul (in Asterix comics) are afraid that the sky would fall on them. For long, I was paranoid about a fan in the main hall of our house in Machilipatnam falling on somebody’s head. There is a clear and present danger of monkeys entering the place where I live now; I am paranoid about my mother getting seriously hurt by a bunch of crazy monkeys. I have a hundred worries like that and yet I survive. Or because of those I survive?

Will the PRP merge with the Congress?

Here is my take: No, the Praja Rajyam Party will not merge with the Congress. Or, should not. The reason is, as long as the PRP remains an entity in itself, Mr Chiranjeevi will have a hold over his flock – mainly the second rung leaders. If he merges his party with Congress, his second rung leaders will get mixed up with the Congress netas, and a different dynamics will result.
The Congress culture of pressure groups and localized bonds and understandings is widely known. Mr Chiranjeevi will have no hold over his own men because they get mixed up in the larger Congress dynamics. Whereas he can identify dissent within his own ranks and act appropriately if he keeps the PRP as a separate entity. If he knows what is good for him and his party, he would not merge with the Congress – now or ever.

Is anyone listening in the PRP?