Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Of Rakhi Brothers and Cousin Sisters…


In north India, it is common for girls to tie the Rakhi on a boy of her age for whom she has a sisterly affection, and call him a Rakhi brother. In the south too, this happens these days but not to the extent to which it happens in the north.

It is said jokingly

... that some boys avoid meeting girls on Raksha Bandhan day (the full moon day in the month of Sawan or Sravana - this year, the 13th, about last week: I was planning to go to Vizag, to get looted. My sis is reasonable, but her daughter is very demanding - and dr lalli, the sis, says, ok, sankanna, whatever your darling niece wants; and the niece is into big-time fleecing!).

There are a lot of jokes about boys with romantic designs on a girl being thwarted by the girl by tying a Rakhi on him. Interestingly, the convention of Rakhi cuts across religions: I have a friend who is born and brought up as a Hindu, but took to Christianity after marriage (to another friend of mine). One Rakhi day five years or so ago, I met her and her husband, with their children, and she naturally tied the Rakhi on my hand. It is much more meaningful than the friendship bands which are in vogue these days. It is much more expensive too - when someone ties the Rakhi on you, you have to give money, however less or more.

I have said recently, and I repeat, tie a friendship bond before the girl ties a rakhi on you: keep the relationship clean, but open.


This year, another girl I have known for years sent me an SMS saying 'I think of you as an elder brother'on Rakhi day. She could not tie the Rakhi since we were in two different cities. She is a muslim and Rakhi is not a part of their culture. Therein lies the greatness of India: that people across communities follow common conventions. It is sad that these common conventions tend to be the Hindu customs, but there are exceptions.

Years ago when I was in Singapore, I had a close friend who was a muslim: I kept the fasting (roza) during the holy month of Ramadan, just to keep him company - although I did not follow it to the T. I used to have coffee and tea during the day.

Talking of inter-communal harmony, I must mention this episode: Years ago, my good friend Salahuddin Tak was playing with color on Holi quite vigorously and one person on whom he was going to put color said don't do that - I am a muslim. Tak saab went ahead and put color, and said: "So am I." I can never forget the enthusiasm with which he used to celebrate diwali. He had a thing against New Year, however: he said it had nothing to do with India. May his tribe grow!


Cousin brothers


In south India, it is a common thing for cross cousins to get married to each other: cross cousins are your maternal uncle's son or daughter, or your paternal aunt's son or daughter. However, it is sacrilege to marry a parallel cousin (your paternal uncle's son or daughter or your maternal aunt's son or daughter). So much so that you address the parallel cousins as cousin brother or cousin sister. In the north of course, all cousins are considered brothers or sisters and marriage with any of them is anathema.
It is quite common in India to ask people when they say My brother works in Bangalore, Is it your own brother or cousin brother?


In Telugu, there is no word for 'bhanja' (a brother's son) or 'banji' (a brother's daughter): your brother's children are your children; they are your sons and daughters - not bhanjas nor bhanjis. So, when I propose to marry off my daughter next year (yes I am old enough) don't think it is my "own" daughter; it could be one I inherit from a brother.

Stop reading, if you don't have a stake in Andhra and pardesh...


Tanguturi Prakasam


It is not the case that I forgot to write about Shri Tanguturi Prakasam; it is just that I don't know much about that great man, except that there is a district in Andhra Pradesh named after him, and that he was the first Chief Minister of the composite Andhra Pradesh state. There is also an apocryphal story, which is likely very true.

He was a great trial court lawyer and on one occasion he was in the midst of an argument when he received a telegram. He is said to have looked at the contents of it and put it in his pocket and continued with his case. People came to know later that the telegram contained news of his wife's death. He was a man of steel and the Sardar Patel of the south.

May we have more districts in his name, since we cannot obviously have more of his tribe.

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