Oh well, in the previous post, I said: beautiful women and girls have a greater appeal than boys and women; I meant - 'boys and men'. Oh well, in this day and age - does it matter, I mean the gender? Old women of both sexes, said Uma. oui ma!
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here is the revised retold Grimm's tale of wardrobe malfunction in the empire of Prada:
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Many years ago there lived an Empress who was so fond of new clothes that she spent all her money on them in order to be beautifully dressed. She did not care about the arts or the theatre; she only liked to go out walking to show off her new clothes. As it is often said of an Empress, “She is in the boudoir,” they always said here, 'The Empress is in the wardrobe.' All this, by the way, happened in the great Empire of Prada.
One day two excellent weavers arrived from the land of China; they said that they knew how to manufacture the most beautiful cloth imaginable. Not only were the texture and pattern uncommonly beautiful, but the clothes which were made of the stuff possessed this wonderful property that they were invisible to anyone who was out of sync with contemporary fashion. I mean, folk who don’t subscibe to the Vogue…
The Empress thought: I could distinguish the fashionable and trendy from the stolid and dull, if I wore those clothes! And she gave both the weavers much money, so that they might begin their work.
The weavers placed two weaving-looms, and began to do their work; they also obtained the finest silk and the best gold, and worked at the looms till late into the night. And beyond: they slept in the midnight rooms. Infyrior companies call them ‘dorms’ (as in “bunker beds in which DORks sleep @ Midnights.”) After a while, the Empress thought: 'I will send my old and honoured girlfriend to the weavers. She can judge best what the cloth is like, for she knows fashion and sub-edits Vogue.'
The Empress’ girlfriend went to see what was cooking (or being woven) and thought: 'Dear me! I can see nothing!' But she did not say so. As a matter of fact, the weavers put nothing on the looms. [It is said that they could fit the “whole nine yard” in a match box, but that is another tale – another day.]
'Dear, dear!' thought the Vogue’s sub-editor: ‘Can I be so unfashionable? I have never thought that, and nobody must know it! Can I be not fit for my job? No, I must certainly not say that I cannot see the cloth!'’
'Have you nothing to say about it?' asked one of the men who was weaving.
'Oh, it is lovely, most lovely!' answered the chick who appeared on Vogue in her youth and sub-edited it later in life [and wrote Sultry Deys]. 'What texture! What colours! [So earthy… and so forth.] Yes, I will tell the Empress that it pleases me very much.'
'Now we are delighted at that,' said both the weavers, and thereupon they named the colours and explained the make of the texture.
The weavers now wanted more money, more silk, and more gold to use in their weaving. Sure enough, they got all that...
The Empress soon sent a worthy gay designer [let us call him Rohit Balls] to see how the weaving was getting on, and whether the cloth would soon be finished. It was the same with him as with the girlfriend [let us call her Ms Dey]; he looked and looked, but because there was nothing on the empty loom he could see nothing.
'Is it not a beautiful piece of cloth?' asked the two weavers, and they pointed to and described the splendid material which was not there.
Under peer pressure, the high priest of fashion and gaiety praised the cloth which he did not see, and expressed to them his delight at the beautiful colors and the splendid texture. He said the texture was full-bodied.
Now we have something ‘earthy’ [according to the girlfriend] and ‘full-bodied’ [according to the gay high priest of fashion]! Full-bodied, indeed, as you will see soon.
Soon, everybody in the town was talking of the magnificent cloth. Now the Empress went to see for herself while it was still on the loom. The weavers were now weaving with all their might, but without fibre or thread on the loom. The Vogue sub-editor and the gay designer started praising the colour and texture of the cloth; and started pretty much a chorus: earthy, full-bodied, subtle, sublime, sunburnt, sunbathed, pastel, plastered, and blah…
'What!' thought the Empress: 'I can see nothing! This is indeed horrible! Am I not trendy? [And quickly figured out that the two fashionistas could see something that she could not.] And said: “Oh, it is very beautiful.” And then she nodded pleasantly, and examined the empty loom, for she would not say that she could see nothing.
The following day, the Empress plans a procession in which she would display the new acquisition to her wardrobe: the weavers were up and were working by the light of over sixteen candles. The people could see that they were very busy making the Empress’ new clothes ready.
The weavers (who were also tailors – I mean, fashion designers, actually) cut the cloth with huge scissors in the air, sewed with needles without thread, and then said at last:
“Now the clothes are finished!”
Everyone said: “Handspun clothes are so comfortable that one would imagine one had nothing on at all; but that is the beauty of it!”
“Will it please your Highness graciously to take off your clothes,” said the weavers, “then we will put on the new clothes, here before the mirror.”
And so they dressed the Empress in empty clothes.
'Yes,' said all the courtiers, but they could see nothing, for there was nothing to see, by way of a dress. Let us not talk about what they could see.
You know the old yarn, right: The Empress went along in the procession under the splendid canopy, and all the people in the streets and at the windows said, “How matchless are the Empress’ new clothes! How beautifully the dress hangs!”
A thirteen year old girl in the crowd chimed in: “Mom, I want those fine clothes, can I please?” And the whole teen crowd in the city wails: “Mom/dad/honey/dear, I want those clothes and appear on the cover of Vogue. Please…”
[With apologies to the Grimm brothers, to excellent weavers of East Bengal and China, and teenagers who don’t know the difference between the Naked and the Dead. Check out: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Naked_and_the_Dead_(film)]
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